Movie Review: Ratatouille

Ratatouille: Hopefully that's the correct spelling.

Well, to say this movie was remarkable is seriously, an understatement. After a long, LONG time, the Pixar/Disney Combo has finally managed to astonish me. After the past years disasters (a.k.a shortcut to cash @ Box Office) like 'The Incredibles' and 'Cars', and of course, the pits of the lot; ‘Robots’, Ratatouille not only compensates for them, it actually makes Pixar seem like a studio which doesn't always make movies meant for 12 yr old kids with raging hard ons. A bad point, while I'm at this. There wasn't even a single good French accent throughout the entire movie. Sad, considering that the rest of the details in the movie are much above average.

Ratatouille is a very light hearted tale about a Rat with an impeccable sense of flavor and smell. Inspired by a leading French cook, this rat seeks about a career in cooking himself. As always, Pixar comes out with breath-takingly unique animation and Disney with its perfect sense of slapstick comedy timing, making this movie a must watch for all Kids and Adults.

Also, the role of 'Anton Ego', played by Peter O’Toole, definitely deserves an Oscar. In fact, the scene in which Ego samples Remy’s ratatouille is the single most unsurpassed moment in any of the Pixar films I’ve ever seen.

Final Review:-

Acting - 8/10

Story – 9.75/10

‘Feel’ Factor – 8/10

Watch this one! Please!

P.S ~ Don’t watch ‘Welcome’.

Movie Review: Taare Zameen Par

This is one of those movies which makes you speculate.. A LOT. You can read ahead, this review doesn’t enclose any spoilers.

The first half talks of a boy Ishaan Awasthi, who suffers from something my Mom says I have; Concentration Disorder Syndrome. This Ishaan guy doesn’t know which side is up, what he has to do in the next five minutes, etc., etc. Sound like any other kid? Wrong! The kid shows some potential, which the director, the genius that he is, has shown in tid-bits. A perfect portrayal of a confused young boy is presented to you by Darsheel Safary.This kid is going to make it huge. His acting skills are dangerously well developed.. Already, at his tender age! Compare with him John Abrahim, and you will know who the real retard is! (Note: John, if you’re reading this, I’m sorry. But still, you just have a pretty face.)

The pains of a family who has to raise an average naughty son, the pains of a younger brother who has to face an academically superior elder brother, all shown in a simple and perfectly acted movie. This movie makes you laugh your butt off and yet has the ability to make you bawl your eyes out in the next few minutes. Aamir Khan has risen to yet another altitude in his acting skills. What a find he is for our already screwed up Bollywood. Yes, it was expected that he would act well, but this is just implausible. But yet, it is safe to say that he is just a supporting actor in this film. The real show-stealer is Darsheel, who is the valid star of this movie.

Coming back to the film, after many, many complaints about Ishaans’ behavior, the family has had enough. They decide to send him to a boarding school. The rest is history. This movie is about a dyslexic child and talks very little about other mental retardations. It might not make it as big as Om Shanti Om or other such movies, which if truth be told, shows off the real mentally retarded, but yes, after Rang De Basanti and Chak De India, this is one movie that will unswervingly effect your heart. Each performance, each dialogue, each song. Perfection. Watch it.

Final Review:-

Acting – 9.5/10

Story – 9/10

Songs – 8/10

Feel Factor – 10/10

This movie has the power to revolutionise the accepted veiwpoints of this entire generation. It's rare. Do not miss it.

The Anti-Christ.

Ok, so I’m gonna talk about a real kewl ‘dood’ right now. I’ll refer to him as the ‘anti-christ’ *wink* *wink*

Me: OK, so you call yourself an Anti Christ, eh?
Anti-Christ: Yeah man, I find it very cool and different. It’s so raackshtar like.
Me: (interrupting) So wait, aren’t you a Hindu?
Anti-Christ: Uhhh..

*tsk* *tsk* *tsk* Some people just need so much attention.. I mean, writing away testimonials to people who you have barely said hello to..

Anti-Christ: Hey you know mere bhai ke dost ke bete ke kutte ke owner ke neighbour ke mami ka nephew?
Me: Uhh.. maybe.
Anti-Christ: Yeah, I said hello to him a month back, and since then whenever we meet, we say hello.
Me: Ookayy..
Anti-Christ: Yeah, he’s now my baast fraand.

This retard takes Marylin Manson as an idol. Ok, nice, so you have rubber ribs and you suck your own dick, eh, anti-Christ? Why don’t you write 'war' on your belly with a rusty blade, eat cum, cut off your genitals, be gay, and shout out at the top of your voice in Delhi streets, “I’m different! I’m an antichrist! I’m so cool!”

You have such a sad life, you make ME cry, dude. I’m serious; you should live in a box and beg people to whip you harder. You do have a whip, don’t you, antichrist?

A somewhat real life convo:-

Anti-Christ: Hey maayn, do I look like a charsi?
Brit Boy and Me, In unision: (bluntly) No.
Anti-Christ: Accha, mere friends bol rahe the.
Me: (bluntly) Tere friends chutiye hain.
Anti-Christ: (choking) You aren’t my friend?
Me: (bluntly) No.
Anti-Christ: But I consider you as one of my best friends.
Me: Toh chullu bhar pane mein doob mar na, chutiye.
Anti-Christ: I heard about your fagfests, yaar. Can I come to of them.
Me: You really think so?
Anti-Christ: Chalo, can’t blame a guy for trying.
Me; You’re not a guy.
Anti-Christ: I don’t want to be in your friend group or anything, but can I atleast make a logo for your Fagfests?
Karthik: Tu kitna dukhi hai, yaar, sach bata?
Anti-Christ: I’m a charsi, yo!
Karthik: Sure dude, whatever makes you happy.

Well, a lot more happened, but I really can’t tell people about that. I do hope he got the dildo out, though.

I could go on and on writing about this fucktard, but hell, anything written about him would make him happy. I just hope this small reality check will shut you up!

Fagfests: A Teaser.

Many, many, many, many, MANY seconds after the their third and most recent fagfest, Tuhin Parhi, Prakhar Pramod and Veturi Sundara Karthik were walking down on a very long Ghaziabady bridge, fagging. All of a sudden, cops came out of nowhere and hurried towards them to seize them. Like the fine friends that they are, Karthik and Prakhar pushed Tuhin towards the cops and jumped over the bridge themselves.

Tuhin Parhi was arrested. The dirty asswipes got away.

Because Mr. Parhi’s defense was fast asleep during the trial - - -

The Final Verdict: Guilty, of achieving the ultimate ‘feel’.

Orr, because of smoking underage. But, whatever.

After a small security check up, Doctors took X-rays of Tuhin, and one of the Child Specialists asked him to join him in his clinic.

D: Son, do you smoke?

T: Uhhh..

D: Do you?

T: Uhhh..

D: I have drugs, you know. Hauffman Reagent, Acid. Ecstasy, Acid and all.

T: (Contemplating) Uhhh..

D: I also have the prescription to give them to you. Legally.

T: I used to smoke sometimes in social events, but then I quit for a LONG while, and then came that Twenty20 Pakistan Vs. India Cricket World Championship game, so some Bihari called me and some Mallu over to his place for a fagfest. I didn’t quite know what that term meant, but I went there anyway. What I learnt, basically was that fagfests bring out THE ultimate feel of fags, music, all of us three, and Prerit Pramod, who is our god as well as that Bihari’s elder brother. Nuff’ said. It’s such a trip that none of us can describe it. Because of its success, we held another one, and then another one. So basically, I smoked some in these fagfests.

D: Some?

T: Yes, some. And just for the record, that mallu dude came up with the term ‘fagfest’.

D: Are you sure?

T: Yes, I’m sure he came up with the term. I mean that other laloo dude might have joked about it once or twice, that he came up with it, but that was just to piss that Rajni guy-

D: (Interrupting) I meant the cigarettes, son.

T: Uhhh..

D: You might want to stop doing that.

T: Uhhh..

D: I have forceps, and you just have one testicle left.

T: Yes, I’m sure I had only a few cigarettes.

D: Few, you say?

T: Yes, few I say.

D: Your lungs.

T: My lungs?.

D: Yes, your lungs, son.

T: Eh? What about them?

D: They’re black.

T: Uhhh..

D: They’re black. Your lungs are black. Black.

T: You’re fucking kidding me, right?

D: (Psychotic Laughter) Hehe.

T: Oh thank g-

D: (Interrupting) No. They are black. I AM sorry, though. It was quite surprising, considering tha-

T: So, wait. Hold on a fucking minute. Am I going to die?

D: Well, we doctors are really not supposed to tell you patients these things directly.

T: Motherfucker! You JUST did! Fuck! I AM gonna die.

D. Hehe. Yes, quite painfully, while we’re hovering around that topic.

T: Aye! Fuck you, bitch! Isn’t there anything you can do about it? Some prescriptions, surgery, pills?

D: Oh, I think you already have enough pills, son.

T: I’m serious here, motherfucker! Isn’t there anything you can do, or maybe I? Give me some kind of hope doctor, I’m fucking tripping here!

D: Hehe. Nah, you will definitely die. Painfully. Also, you will be sent to jail, and given no treatment till you fucking bleed to death. Feel, na?

T: Oh my fucking God! What will my parents think?

D: Not much, I’d say. They’ll probably go out have dinner, enjoy their time off you.

T: Well, considering the pain in the arse that I really am.. Hey! What the fuck am I saying! My parents love me! FUCK YOU!

D: (Very, VERY sarcastically) Ah, yes, I’m sure they do. And by the way, there IS something you can do!

T: (Unconvinced) Like what? Give you the address’s of the other two members and take them down with me?

D: You’re catching up, son!

T: (Pompous, with a huge smile) Hahaha! You dirty motherfucker! I knew that one was coming, hahahaha!

D: Ayo! Gimme some!

*High Fives*

T: Nah, I can’t do that They mean a whole lot to me. I’m sorry, bro.

D: Wow, that’s really something grea-

T: (Interrupting) Just kidding, nigga! Bihar motherfucker lives @ -CENSORED- and Madrasi asswipe is @ -PATPADGANJ-

D: Hahaha, now that’s the stuff motherfucker, yeah! You’re out for now, do take care.

T: Fo’shizzle! You know, You ain’t all that bad, nigga’

D: That’s because unlike you and the other two members of your infamous ‘fagfests’, I do have a life. I have a fucking M.B.B.S, bitch! You all, on the other hand, wake up till 6 in the morning, smoking you butts off, talking about ANYTHING, ANYTHING but useful, on that littel idiots rooftop, tripping, dancing, jumping, headbanging, listening to Psy and Rock, wasting away your lives and careers in ashes and fag-talk. Apparently, you three believe that that really, really, handsome Bihari kids elder brother is your God. Why the fuck don’t you ever pursue all the superior things he has done in his life? Huh? Instead of that you make him stay up with you three dumfucktards for almost half of the fest and waste his very precious time! Tell me why, you fucking no lifer!

T: (Unzipping his pants) Uhhh?

D: WHAT IN THE WORLD WERE YOU DOING? WHAT’S THAT SMELL? WHAT’S THAT IN YOUR HAND?!

T: (With a wry smile) Gimme a break, doc, you’re fucking boring, and I’m gonna fucking die.

D: You incorrigible idiot! Get the fuck out off here!

T: Aight, man! Nice talking to you, nigga.

D: (Cooling down) Calling me nigga won’t make your death any less painful for you, you know.

T: (Outside the Clinic) Fucker.

____________________________________

Ok, so, my point basically is that Fagfest pwn. You might try to relive it, but you can’t. Even though you will never have the ULTIMATE trip, but you might be able to achieve – 0.25 % of the feel we have. MIGHT. Here’s what you need:-

• The Lord. Our Lord. Prerit Pramod, Electrical Engeneering, Delhi College of Engineering.
• Tuhin Parhi’s ejaculate.. Uhh I mean immaculate sense of music, which includes genres ranging from the initials a-tofucking-z, mixed with the PERFECT timing of song changing depending on your mood during the fest, which every so often fluctuates.
• Karthik and Prakhar’s love for Tuhin’s immaculate sense of music, fags, fag-talk, The Lord, my house.
• Well, all the people mentioned above.
• Of course I won’t give away the ‘main’ elements. I mean, this is just a teaser. Shcrew you all!

DISCLAIMER: The above mentioned 'writing' is just like Himesh Reshamiyas Movie. You saw it for getting an answer to something that you really didn't care about, and after you were done, the questions that you wanted answered, were not answered.

Uhhh.

I’m off!

.

Why We Love To Hate Himesh Reshamiya.

An extract from something my friend said:=

P: This guy gave 20 odd hits in a year and everyone seemed to talk about him. The established contemporary singers criticized his nasal singing but their comments reeked of jealousy and utter contempt that their words spit made envy more obvious. If somebody asks you “Do you like Himesh?” and you say “Yes” just to find the other guy smiling or probably even laughing as if you have said the worst three letters of your life. Well, the guy who popped the question likes him too but is not willing to accept this. Why? Why, it has become fashionable to criticize this man with a cap who has taken the Indian film music scene by a storm; the man who kicked the reigning singers southward. People feel embarrassed to admit that they listen to Himesh Reshammiya but the truth remains that you cannot avoid this man – he rules the lounger bars, discos, pubs, auto rickswaws, taxis, paan stalls, music shops and malls. You listen to him at home too. Then, why do you feel compelled to say that don’t like him? All I can say is – You can love him, hate him, but you just can’t ignore him.

Me: Right! Just tell me how.

You ignorant assmunch! It's a 30 year old man with a cap. Who probably hasn't bathed for, say, around 30 years.

The other singers are NOT jealous, their voice STRICTLY, ONLY talks off irritation. The person who pops up that 'What do you think about Himesh?' does NOT like him. trust me, he JUST wanted to laugh his ass off. Haven't you seen the things he's been doing?!

P: (begining to get the point) Like what?

Me: Ok, I'l cut this one down, he can JUST sing nasal, prolly cause his VOICE hasnt matured, he wears a cap (ALL the time), prolly cuz HE hasn't matured. All this and he romances a 16 year old hot girl in a big banner movie?!

Michael! Oh, Michael Jackson! Your lawers are gonna LOVE this one! Mcauley Culkin better stay away from this motherfucker!

Movie Review: Bhool Bhulaiya

There were some characters in this movie who were not needed at all. Neither for the thriller/horror factor or for comedy purposes. For example; Rajpal Yadav. He apparently is some rishi/guru/whatever who claims he’s pretty good at scaring the fuck out of ghosts (ironically) and sending them away from homes. He becomes a retard after seeing the ghost of Manjulika (Booooooo! M-A-N-J-U-L-I-K-A) and is eventually cured by a tight slap from Akshay Kumar.

All right. So who the FUCK gives a shit?! We don’t know who he is! We don’t know his background! Who the FUCK is he?! What?! Why?! That’s how bad the movie is directed. At the end of the movie, all you remember are few characters who actually have some meaning to the movie. The rest of the retards are subsidiary. Not needed. By the way, there was some hot girl, who couldn’t speak because of something, but at the end of the movie she started talking, because of something.

One of the main reasons I am recommending you all to see this movie is because of Vidya Balan and Akshay Kumar. Kya faaad acting hai bhai.. Feel aa gayee. Sacchi Pucchi! Ultimate acting. Akshay Kumar was perfect for his Psychiatrist role. He executed it with perfection.

All in all, this is a horribly directed, beautifully acted movie. The mystery’s build up is perfect, but the uncorking of the same is simply.. Bleh. The performance given by Akshay Kumar and Vidya Balan are really, really good, but the rst of them suck. Believe me, they reek. Stink. Ugh.

Final Review:-

Acting – 7/10 (Akshay Kumar/Vidya Balan) 1.5/10 (The rest of ‘em)

Story – 4/10

Songs – 10/10 (Bhool Bhulaiya) 0.1/10 (The rest of them)

‘Feel’ Factor – 4/10

I would recommend this movie for all Akshay Kumar fans and those rare ones who are interested in psychology. The rest of you might wanna either come with your girlfriend/boyfriend or buy a LOT of food @ snack bar.

Don’t forget to watch the song ‘Bhool Bhulaiya’ at the end of the movie!

Friends 'n' All :)

To whom it may concern:-

It’s hard to talk ‘bout a SPECIFIC bunch of people, ‘cuz you know that the unspecific ones will take it personally. And it’ll take a lot of ass kissing to make up for it. But I don’t care. But I don’t like ass either. So if you don’t like this, make sure you go fuck yourselves.

I have a LOT of friends. A LOT, a LOT, a LOT.

Well, 6, really. And I won’t take names. Just nicks. The ones I gave them.

Let’s kick off down south; Veturi. He thinks he’s so cool. Just like nariyal ki chutney. But you’re not. So, stop being so utthapam about it. He doesn’t even have a soul. Well, no southy does, but whatever; We call ‘im dosa. Actually, I called him dosa, made him cry, and soon enough he accepted it and let everyone else call ‘im dosa. And now he wants it trade-marked and reserved. He thinks he actually dosa-rves it. (Get it, ‘deserve’) *Ahem* So, anyway, he once said.. *Starts laughing* hahahahahaah.. Ahahahahha.. OMG OMG.. Lol!! *sniff* It was SO funny!

Also, You fucking cheap ass Madvadi! Sometimes, just SOMETIMES, spend your own damn money @ Subway. I know you’re prolly thinking, ‘ I DO! I DO!’.

You don’t. Nuh-uh-uhhhh, you don’t!

Shh!

Just, shh!

Lil’ ol’ ‘batty. The main man. He just pwns SO much. SO much. So funny, so, SO funny, not so-so funny, SO funny. (Not funny) He’s probably the ONLY fag (yes, fag, not really, but yes, fag) who actually gets my humor. And my brothers humor. Well. My bro is all about the ‘bauz’. I’m more like classy, advanced, perfectly timed (Who the fuck were we talkin’ bout anyway?) Oh yeah, that guy. He’s fucking obsessed with protein. (Weird? I think not.) Whenever he comes to my house (Every weekend) to eat my food, drink my coke, take BEE-Aii-GEE dumps on MY commode, he always comments on how crappy MY comp is, how my family only eats chicken and roti EVERY damn night. It’s good food, bitch! What do you fucking want - - > One portion roti/chicken/daal and one portion protein?! Fuck you! And stop filling your pockets with aloo paranthas before leaving my house!

Btw, he pwns at basketball. Can hardly dribble, score or act like he can dribble, score. But yes, pwns at basketball.

Yeah yeah, you pwn in defence, yada, yada, yada :P

Doper. Waaazzzzzaaaaa!!! The ultimate cock-sucker. Has got almost laid by a lot of chicks; And therefore, (according to him) he almost ‘not’ a virgin.

Just cause you score better than me in Counter Strike online, and beat my ass one-o-one and pretty much pwn me when we are against each other in crowded teams, does NOT make you better than moi!well, just mayyybeee. But whatever, I got Steam, and you don’t, so fuck you :D. Once again.

The tall ‘thing’. Surprisingly has had two girlfriends. And is going out with one. Known for basketball in our school, or rather ‘baaaaskaaaaaaatbaaaalll’. (if you ain’t in AFBBS, you probably won’t get this). So dumb, it’s un-fucking-believable, and almost as tall.
He has claimed to have dunked the ball twice. But never in front of anyone. Somehow, SOMEHOW, he always manages to dunk when NOBODY’s around. Little 4 foot worms can guard him, AND score ova him. Believe you me, I know; I was one of ‘em. All in all he ISNAUTGOOD. *Ross type, speedy voice*
Ask him to set-up girl for you and give her the HINT that you have a crush on her, he’ll go ahead and go ,”Oooiiii beeeinchudd! Prakhar loves you, beeinchuud! Layy lee beeinchud!”

Bhanchod, saala.

Pilla.

Nkool and Brit boy. The former has no time for reading dim-witted, shitless blogs. The latter doesn’t have an internet connection, or a life. So, fuck you both.

As for my bro. he’s all ‘wow’. He’s a fucking genius; I almost live my life through his ‘teachings’. Satan pushed him all the way up cuz everyone started following him instead. He’s my god. God, I tell ya! Everyone hates him, cuz he’s jusht sho cooh.. Yet, they worship him, and lick his bauz.
As Veturi well knows, if he asks me to make him a sandwich at 6 in the morning, I will, if he asks me to bend over, I will, if he asks me to run naked in front of Apollo hospital and yell ,”I’m the devil! Run, motherfuckers! Save yo arses!” (Never happened :|), I’ll do them ALL, magarr, main CHAMCHA NAHEE HOON!

Tosh deez, thanks for all the stories. Get your Harry Potter type glasses back. They had class. Trust me. I have decency. I just did that Apollo hospital thing once.
She thinks she’s fat, and has the nerve to say shit like ‘Ohh Mishy, main kitneee motii hoon, look at my double chin!’ in FRONT of me! Wtf?! I have more chins than a Chinese phone book, bitch! What the FUCK are YOU whining about?!
By the way, she ain’t fat. At ALL. That also doesn’t mean you can just go ahead and date her without hesitation. She has principles, like for example, the last guy who asked her out is still locked in my old apartment, hanging by his balls, which are nailed to the ceiling.

But, she’s quite sweet otherwise. :P

Movie Review: Aap ka Suroor

‘Aap Ka Suroor’ made me hold my interval coke in my urinary bladder so long that by the time that it was about to answer the earth-shakingly important 'why-that-asswipe-wears-a-cap' question, I just had to go! Thank god!

I ran to the exit door blissfully as I watched the last frame showing his hair finally blowing below his forehead. The problem was that they never actually showed the top of his head! Why? Why the hell ELSE would we go to the theatre to watch an at least 50-year-old-phaedophile, who apparently claims to be 28 (As if?), romance a 16-year-old-ex-SUPER-overactor by singing songs. From his nose!

The only reason I liked this movie was, well, frankly, that my genitals were ready to burst 15 minutes before the end. Or maybe Mallika Sherawat’s posterior.

Pro’s of the movie – It does make you laugh once in a while, since it's storyline is worse than a cheap porno's would be. Also, It’s almost a 3 hour long footage. So, you finally get the chance to try out all the flavours at the snack bar.

Con’s of the movie – The sad ass redundant jokes, ‘The’ Himesh Reshamiya, his nasal 'singing', his extremely stuffed up crotch (Thank the Lord Indian Cinema doesn’t have frontal nudity).

Hansika, there isn't enough make-up in the world to make you look 20-something, so please give it up and sue the mofo's who put you through that 'movie'. Also, go see the definition of the term 'child labor'.

Final Review:-
Acting – 1.5/10
Story – 2/10
Songs – 1.5/10
’Feel’ Factor – 0.5/10

This movie, to be extremely polite, was pathetic. Night Blinders might just come in handy!