The Bastard That Archie Andrews Really Is.

Ok fine. So I admit it. Some people might actually get pissed off over some random dark-complexioned, (a.k.a ‘sexy’, in his own perspective :p) Indian kid ranting about their favourite comic strip character. I deeply regret you shedding tears, but I’m afraid that your doing so won’t stop me from completing this post. I have nothing against you whatsoever. Also, it’s not that you have a heart of gold, and me of stone. It’s just that I hate freckles. And Mr. Andrews has those in abundance. [Just to make it a point: I don’t mind pimples (even in plenty). I love you Veturi bhai :)]

So, coming back to the point (Lol, right, like I ever make one of those). America defines Archie Andrews as being an “average” teenager. I agree to the fact that I haven’t been reading much of Archies (I recently read a few for this particular post) lately, but what I get out of it, is that Archie Andrews has two girlfriends - Betty (Blonde, and thus, dumb. A heart of gold and still beeps around with Archie even though she knows he likes Veronica a lot more – Almost perfectly Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman, except blonde?) And the afore-mentioned – Veronica (Rich, beautiful, snobbish – Ooohhh just like Kareena in Kabhi Khushi Kabhi Gham, except beautiful?). Bee tee double-u, they both have the same face and different hair. Lol :P. Hmmm, well, I COULD say that NOW maybe, this is pretty much normal, i.e. double dating (In 2008 – The Modern Era), but hell, I hadn’t even HEARD of this crap when these comics had started selling in India (Roughly/ On an average, 1995 – The Stone Age).

I, being a childhood fan of The Archie Comics, was manipulated enough to actually think that (even when you’re a teenager) you can take girls out for dates, and not call them your ‘girlfriend’. *tsk* *tsk* tsk*. I’m afraid it is not so back here in India. I mean really, imagine this scenario:-

Disclaimer: Any resemblance to a person dead is purely coincidental. If he/she is alive… Well, God Bless.

Karthik likes Saac… *ahem* Saashi. But Tani… *ahem*, Taashi also likes Veturi… *ahem*, Karthik. Karthik doesn’t exactly “like” Taashi, but he HAS dreamt of her once [Read – Mishy all red :@]. In his dream, when suda… I mean, ‘Taashi’ was dating me… *ahem* I MEAN I MEAN! Not ‘ME’, I meant a (very funny) guy called ‘ME-SHE’. *phew* Yeah, so anyway, in his dream, even when Taashi was dating MeShe, she said ‘yes’ to him (Read – ONLY in your dreams, pal :)]. So, Karthik decides to take Taashi out for a romantic candlelight dinner [It’ll cost something like 5000 bucks, so again, in your dreams :)]. On finding out, Saashi and Prakha… *ahem* MeShe are heartbroken.

[Enter: The ‘Player’ a.k.a Tuhi… *ahem* Tur-ahkarp (P.s – Don’t read this name backwards, else I’ma bust a ‘rut’ :P)]

Tuhin: Howdy, sexy lady and, and, umm, Mish, is that you?!

MeShe: Hell no!

… Anyway. Turahkarp, after checking both of ‘em out, (surprisingly) picks Saashi. At this very moment, MeShe thought, and thought smart; “Damn, I should’ve hid the lump”.

So, now, Karthik, The Player, Saashi and Taashi are all happy. But MeShe wants revenge. All he needs is Karthik’s posterior, a funnel, and a live female turkey.

Note: This story must end here. The rest of it includes a couple of dark-skinned idiots fighting, struggling, scratching and biting. Also, it has blood, pain, a Mallu yelping, and a dead female turkey. I’m afraid I haven’t been given enough, umm, age, I suppose, to complete it. (freaking 18 year olds :@) 1 more year and you shall find out why I was beaten, almost half dead (soon after), by a big-ass male turkey.

So, anyway, see what my life could have turned into if I had started reading this crap any sooner? I’d have a broken heart, and a dead best-friend. Hell, I’d even have those animal-rights agents (a.k.a ‘Pussys’) far up my crack, asking me all these disturbing and confusing questions related to human sexuality and Turkeys. And when I wouldn’t be able to explain it to them: Juvenile hall. I mean, see, the kids there are more or less like my friends, but the food must suck, right?

Added: Also, no Turkey was harmed during the thinking of this story. P.s. – Sam bhai also wanted to be in the story. Hence, we shall bestow upon him a character (Charges apply) – Let’s say, the dead female Turkey.

Peace.