Nut Busters! : The New Rules of Love!

Beauty has its flaws. No no noooo, wait up! Not ‘because her face has pimples! It’s ‘cause way too many people are just too goddman horny for it. It isn’t enough that she likes you a lot, and you like her back as much. It is about making sure that a third guy, desperate to make her his own chattel for eight-straight months, and who misses her lot, eats right! Yes, I’m afraid, it’s true.

You love her, she loves you back. You’re both happy. You make-out during recess, and minus the on-lookers, it’s beautiful. You can’t be separated. You both talk on the phone for hour’s straight, just to make sure that your head’s ringing with your partners’ voice, wherever you go. She feels the same way about you. But, wait! I told you, na? Beauty has its flaws, all right!

This third guy, out-of-the-fucking blue comes back to her mind, and she remembers that he has been busting his nut for eight fucking months, whereas the moron who she’s been dating has been doing the same (not in real!) for just three weeks. Why should his fresh genitals get all the rewards, eh?! Sure, I mean sure, you don’t love this third guy, but you’re sure that one fine day, you might love him back as well (read: insane)! And because you feel this way, you kind of have to hurry, I mean, even Hercules’s testicles won’t keep damp THIS long! So you decide to remove the major obstacle (the lesser-busted-of-a-nut amongst the two) out of your path, and you succeed.

‘Yippe yay!’, Yells the nut-buster. The scenario now changes. She isn’t happy, you aren’t happy, and testosterone freak is almost in a state of hyper-erection euphoria! But, wait, hold on a minute. Doesn’t this third guy know that he’s just a pity case? Does it matter to him that this girl doesn’t love him back, truly? Are you a hundred percent SURE that she doesn't want to be with the other guy? Oh, wait, he's the one gettin' some... Nevermind. :P

So, you see, If the girl's hot, then uske peeche there are bound to be a million erections, oops, sorry, guys. So make sure that you’ve busted ‘em nuts a LOT. Trust me, you go bichra-aashiq on her ass, and her ass WILL want you back! Make SURE that you’re somewhat above the height 5 ‘6’, eat once a day, be helpless and sob like a bitch all fucking day. Also make sure that your friends tell her ALL about it. And before long you will see; you have super-human powers to attract the hawww-aww-tesht females breathing! Tested and proved, ladies and gentlemen!

A few more pointers, while I’m at this. You have to cut your wrists from time-to-time, consistently pick up on fights, or in short; you have to let her know that you’re a pathetic loser. If you’re thinking this might just freak her out, then you’re wrong. Times have changed now; you can’t be romantic with her, you have to straight away write her name on your arms with a blade. Dekh! Main tumse kitna pyaar kartaa hoon, jaan-e-man!

Just to prove my point, let’s go back to when it was just you two lovers. You both have been dating for a month. The message coming from third-guys friends was that he had stopped eating ever since both of you got together. I told you, na? Bichre-aashiqs DO have superpowers! One fucking month, with no food, yet he still busts his nuts with the same potency! He is very strong, very tall, very scary to look at, and VERY gay. Also, he somehow has sent her the message that he isn’t mature enough to be with any other girl. Sure, minus all the girls this tall-mofo has done before, he IS immature. Nuff’ said?

Life is just a big fat riddle, so figure it out,
Always thinking that you know.
Everything little thing there is to know,
But you don't really know, ya know?
It's like love, some people get it,
For some it's just a glove that just never fitted,
For me it's just a pain in the ass,
But I’m addicted to the taste, of hoping' it could last…

– Fred Durst (Limp Bizkit)

To whom it may concern: Freedom of speech, never forget! Love ya!

Fuck Rihanna, I’m out!